the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
