Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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