Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have fence marks all over my body
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
