He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
