I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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