my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize