remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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