I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
