I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
