I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
