Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so let's talk penis.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
