I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
