I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
