If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
