I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
