why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just want nice things and good sex
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
