Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
