If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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