Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
