Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
