so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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