Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
