I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
