Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
