Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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