3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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