goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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