Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
