I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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