I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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