dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
