He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
