you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think my moral compass just broke
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
