Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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