so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
