Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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