do herpes really smell.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
