Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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