I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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