Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
