Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
