I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize