my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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