Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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