The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
