last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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