i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
