420 ftw
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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