Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Boobs speak an international language.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
