i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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