Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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