um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
