You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
