I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
