i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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