On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
