matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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