i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
