How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
