Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
