thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think i got beer on your cat.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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