I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
