I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
