She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
