I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
