She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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