I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
