Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
