Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
