Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
