hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
