I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
