he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
