I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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