never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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