A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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