i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
