I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
