Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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