whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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